Hello all. It's my 222nd post so I've decided to change my url today. So here it is:

www.wontstandlosingyou.blogspot.com

Bye bye, old blog.

Ican'tbreathe.

OH MY GOD. THE FUNNIEST THING ON EARTH HAPPENED TODAY. I ran too fast when playing Dog and Bone and I couldn't stop. So I went on my knees and started to crawl to break. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. LAUGH OUT LOUD LOUD LOUD. Just kill me now.

Common test was..well, HAHA. Didn't really study THAT much. Maths was okay. Physics was a killer. Oh man. Talking about it makes me wanna kill TPH. Won't come out, won't come out. In the end what happen leh. It came out and worth 4 marks somemore. EVERYONE LET'S CLAP OUR HANDS AND SHOUT HOORAY.

Aww mannnn!!! Physics is a gone case for me eh. Walao. Sec 1 camp is tomorrow and I'll be so lonely at home! :((( Anybody wanna come and have some fun with me? Heh. :D

HEY! BLOGGER'S ALRIGHT NOW!! WOOHOO!! :D

OH DAMN IT. BLOGGER STILL HAVEN'T RECOVERRRRR!!! >:( It is making my life seem so dull. All black and white. MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH ALOT OF COLOURS ONE OKAY.

AND NG WAN LENG YOU IDIOT. DO YOU KNOW THAT MY SHIN IS SWOLLEN BECAUSE YOU PUSHED ME INTO THE POOL AND I HIT THE STEPS. NOW GOT ONE BIG BIG BLUE BLACK! ASSHOLE. >:(

Okay. I planned to study Maths for the whole of today and guess what. I came home at 3 and went for a swim till 3.30 and used the computer till 6 and did my work for half and hour and then eat my dinner and here I am again, infront of the computer. Say Sayonara to my marks.

There's something wrong with blogger. I can't change the font size or the colour or the position of the text. -_____- Shit you. My blog is already plain enough and now you want to make it even worse. WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME HUH HUH HUH. Walao.

Today is a very, very memoriable day for me cause Miss Ng Wan Leng pushed me into the pool SIX TIMES. And she BROKE MY SLIPPER. IDIOTTTTTTTTTT. MY FAVOURITE SLIPPER LEHHHHH. WALAOOO. Humph. You're gonna get it someday. I swear. >:(

I got all wet and was dripping all over. It was already bad enough and she made it even worse by throwing my slipper all the way to the other end of the pool. You rock man.

Met Xue Wen and her sister, Xue Xin, in Compass Point. Oh man, Xue Xin is oh so cute! :D She chased Dominica Tan all over the place and they two look like mad people trying to run away from each other. HAHAHAHA. Poor Xue Wen fell down from the escalator while trying to run away from Dominica. I think it is so funny. Imagine her running up the escalator because some mad woman was chasing her behind and suddenly, "PIANG!" (Fine. I don't know how to describe the sound effect.) She missed a step and hit her toes on the end of the escalator. HAHAHAHAHA. I know it's mean but I can't help it. IT IS VERY FUNNY.

Bought Mum's gift and headed home. I'm supposed to type out the Science notes but here I am blogging. Praise the Lord. There is still Maths and Science test on Monday and I am already in a post-exam mood. HOWWWWWW.

Okay. As usual, alot of things happened recently. Literature test is tomorrow and I still haven't got the sense of urgency yet. Yes. Just kill me now.

I went crazy this afternoon during art. Talking to Zhiying in a ghostly way, playing with penknives. Cause at that moment, I really missed you terribly. So much so that I almost brokedown at that point of time. You are at fault for making me like this.

You are out there enjoying yourself with her, while here I am waiting for your stupid reply like a fool. Do you know how much it hurts? Well, I bet you don't, cause that's your job.

I was looking forward to seeing you. But when I do, all I get is your silence. I tried being friendly. I tried. But all I got back was your stare, cold and empty. I hate it. Cause in those eyes, I see her.

I tried acting like it didn't affect me a single bit. I tried being positive about it. But when I do, you don't.

I miss your voice. I miss how cheerful you were. I miss how we talked on the phone for hours and not get bored cause we've got so much to talk about. I miss how we used to make fun of each other. I miss the times when you were there when I needed someone to talk to. I miss those funny conversations. I miss those times when we were really, really, good friends. I miss how you always confide in me. I miss how you always ask me for advice. I miss how you showered me with your love but I didn't appreciate. I miss how you asked me to take care when I was sick. And most of all, I miss you.

Can I have all of them back, please? I don't need you to be there always. I don't need you to love me like you used to. I don't need you to take care of me. And I don't need you to spend hours talking to me on the phone. All I'm asking for is for us to be good friends like how we used to be. Is that so hard to give?

I sat there till the darkness fell, and wished you were here. But then again, I wasn't so sure.

I feel like I need to understand more than I do.

Sometimes, you make me wanna melt.
Sometimes, you make me wanna hit you in the face.
Sometimes, you make me go all "Aww.."
Sometimes, you make me feel like a fool.

I'm really at loss of what to say, what to do.
Cause all I can think of right now is You.
When I saw how happy you were with her,
I went all sad and sour.

I left you all alone, hanging there by yourself before. And now, I want you back. I know I'm being selfish. But I can't help it, can I? Because I can't control the way I feel, though I really wish I could.

Some say time will heal. Some say time will kill. I chose the first option...but I'm hurting even more than I did. Then I tried the second option...but things just got worse. I can only lose you bit by bit, a little at a time. So I've tried ways and means to try and learn to let go.

And finally, I've come to a conclusion.

I need to learn how to love again.

Damn it. Blogger destoyed by blog. >:( Now my blogskin becomes like this. Just plain Orange and White. Oh, great.

Thanks Clique for making me feel so much better today. Love you guys. :) Can't wait for the Clique outing! :D

Chinese results tomorrow. KILL ME NOW.

The thought, the thought, the thought. LOL. Joyce ah Joyce. HAHAHAHHAHA.

Paper cut. KILL ME FAST.

Common tests coming soon. KILL ME ON THE SPOT.

-Dead-

It's Labour Day today and I'm stuck at home studying. While Zhiying is out, watching her favourite superhero, Spiderman, swinging here and there.

I feel like staring at the sky and just you know, stare. Thinking about what just happened, I feel like shooting myself with 10 bullets. I really don't understand what made me do it. Oh man. Blame it on Stupidity.

Now I hate you. I really do.
I hate you for allowing me to fall for you.
I hate you for letting me love you.
I hate you for doing what you did.
I hate you for not answering me.
I hate you for liking her without me knowing.
I hate you for being so selfish.
I hate you for everything you said to me cause it was all a lie.
I hate you for being you.

I'm learning to be stronger now. Not physically but emotionally. Yeah. It's doing me good.
After so much, I realised that allowing yourself to cry and moan over something for a period of like, 3 days, depending on how serious is it, of course, is a very good way to help you overcome things. It's like handing up an assignment on the dateline.

There'll definitely be a scar somewhere down there, but at least you're shoving it aside and not letting it show. Putting up a brave front is also good somehow. Acting like it doesn't affect you also helps alot.

So to my clique, when I'm all high and smiley suddenly, don't ask me why. Otherwise I can just break down and cry anytime, anywhere. You wouldn't want that to happen, don't you. And don't mention that ass's name too. Or I'll be angry. Very, very angry. So much so that I may bite.

Oh, I'll be changing my url soon too. Okay. Random.

Beware Of Rachel.

It’s been long since I last updated. Many things, both interesting and uninteresting, have happened along the way. And many things have changed too.

Things like,

- Me getting choked on an APPLE and my face went all red and my tears started flowing out

- How a disaster my Chinese test was

- How bad my attitude was during the past one to two weeks.

-My clique used to have 6 but now left with 5.

-Training is now boring and meaningless without our seniors.

-I’m sick and tired of all the teachers who think they are so great and loves to give inspirational talks. Trust me, it’ll only make things even worse for themselves if ANY of them talk to me about my attitude towards anything. I hate it. I really do. So, watch out.

-I just met a friend whom I haven’t seen since I was Primary 6. And I just realised how much I missed her and how much I regretted doing what I did.

-I just realised how much I hate doing bao zhang du hou gan and going for Chinese lessons. I wanna switch class for Chinese.

-I realised I still have feelings for You. I’m at loss of what to do. (Hey, it rhymes!)

-Science can kill me.

-Principle was being SO irritating today by asking us to sing the school song 6 times. National anthem nobody sing. No 6 times. School song nobody sing, got 6 times. What trash.

Okay. There are many more to name but if I do, I think blogger will hang. So I shall save someone’s life and not do anything harmful to you and I. (Oh, it rhymes again!) I think I’ll do great in poetry. Lol. I think I should leave blogger alone now or I’ll get all emo and my blogskin will turn all black and grey.

Today's Sport's Day was BLAST! :D DODSWORTH GO GO GO!!! CHAMPION FOR SECONDARY SCHOOL!!! WOOHOO!! ;D
I cheered till my throat almost died. The runners all rocked the stadium today. Though there were some ugly scenes (so many people's shoes dropped on the way) but seeing their faces while running, it's actually quite touching. Lol. Okay. I don't know how to describe.

I think the Mass Run was stupid and the Mass Cheer competition was a complete failure. Lol. Most of the people didn't know how to do it and so they kept quiet. Even so, we were still third. Hahaha. For the Field Bonanza thing, I didn't know how they do it but we got TWENTY FOUR points only. Hahahaha. The rest of the houses got 60 and above. If we did better in the cheer and Mass Run, maybe we could overall champion. Anyhow, it's all over. But it was really enjoyable. :)

Can't wait for next year's Sports Day!!! :D

I'm lying to myself?

Yeah, maybe she's right.

Time passes so fast. It's gonna be half the year soon. Which means it's gonna be Sec 4 and 5 farewell soon. Oh mannnnn. I don't wannnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttt. :(

Though both Divisions didn't get anything for both Badminton and Table-Tennis, I must say we all ended our game well. At least we tried. But it's funny how we always get Top 6 or 8 whenever there's SYF. Can anyboday tell me why? Luckily it's only once every 2 years. Otherwise we all die. Yes. Luckily.

This week there will be no trainings which means whole week can go home earlyyyyyy!!! WOOHOO!!! :D

I'll be shifting soon and my house is like now made and filled with carton boxes everywhere. It feels so empty and I don't like this feeling. >:(

Rain, rain go away, come again another day. I don't like rainy days. It makes me all emo and sad and I feel like killing myself. Okay. Maybe not that but, yeah. Sunny days with lots and LOADS of sunshine is GREAT! :D I love to absorb UV rays. Lol. Another way to say tanning! :) Though I don't seem to get tan even though I spend so long under Mr.Sunshine.

I just know many things which I think it's better that I not know but somehow, my ears can't resist whenever people tell me stuff. Some makes me sad, some makes me high all over while some are just, well, nonsensical.

Soprts Day is on Thursday. ALL THE WAY COMPETITORS!!! :D Even though you don't win anything, don't be dissapointed cause it's better than the rest of us sitting there doing nothing and sweat non stop. Yeah, you sweat too, but at least you're DOING something. So BEST OF LUCK TO YOU GUYS!! :D

I've sort it out. I'm over and done with.








Well, maybe that's what I tell myself to believe.

I've thought about giving up. But what would I be...without You? At times, I feel that You don't even know I'm here. Cause when You do, it is always for that one special moment. Maybe I should wait. Maybe I should wait till You you've forgotten about her. I know it'll be hard, for both you and me. But let me give it a try, so let's wait and see.

Well, this whole week was one very, very, very emotional week. Oh man. Yeah, we knew we would lose to RGS from the very beggining. But who knows it'll be that bad? Mr Kim was expecting my pair to win a point for the team and we did made a godd start. But for the following sets, we just failed. And for the final set, to determine wether we could carry on playing and maybe win that one point, that girl hit a cheapskate ball. And mind you, the score was 9-10. So yes, it was over just like that. In that one second. Even though it was quite a good game, I just broke down cause at that moment, everything suddenly seemed destroyed. My hopes, my goals and myself. I can't express it in words now but all I can say is I was disappointed. Very, very disappointed.

Next came our seniors. They've won them since like forever. And it turned out that the results were unexpected but I can tell they really, did want to win very badly. But surprisingly, they trashed us. Some cried, some looked like it was the end of the world.

The next match is on Monday and if we lose, we're out. And it would be difficult to win. All we need now is team spirit. Guys, we are gonna win this and we WILL.

We are gonna do it.